Healing: The Fragrance of Forgiveness

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Forgiveness is the intentional decision to let go of resentment towards someone who has hurt us, regardless of whether they have intentionally wronged us or not. It frees our mind from the endless cycle of pain and blame, allowing us to heal and move forward. Forgiveness is an act of love and healing preached across faiths and cultures. Perhaps nothing else matters apart from the love you receive and the love you give. 

One such example of the tradition of forgiveness is Pateti, a mid-August festival observed by those following the faith of Zoroastrianism. During this festival, one reflects on the past year, seeks forgiveness, and prepares oneself for a fresh start. Parsis seek forgiveness from Ahura Mazda for their sins and misdeeds. Forgiveness begins with acknowledging our own faults, which is precisely what Pateti encourages us to do.

Another example is that of Christianity, where believers seek forgiveness through confession. Confession is a sacramental absolution pronounced by a confessor (priest) through whose mediation the person confessing is forgiven. For a confession to take effect, one must seek repentance with complete awareness of one’s sin. One must also firmly resolve to amend one’s actions. While practices vary through different Christian traditions, the core understanding is that forgiveness is made possible through the Grace of God. Seeking forgiveness is aimed at restoring one’s relationship with God and learning to love fellow humans. 

In Islam, Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar. It is a sacred time to seek God’s forgiveness and extend it to others. Fasting from dawn to sunset is not only an act of self-discipline but also a spiritual practice to purify the heart. Many Muslims spend the last ten days in I’tikaf, staying in the mosque to engage in worship and seek forgiveness. They also pray Tahajjud, a voluntary Salah, during the last third of the night (from around 2 a.m. to 5 a.m.). Subsequently, they make du’as to seek forgiveness and draw closer to Allah spiritually. 

The Mercy of God makes us realise how all-encompassing, infinite and transformative His forgiveness is. In the Bible verse Luke 23:24, Jesus Christ, while being crucified, prays, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” When God forgives us, we realise that no one is beyond redemption. It drives us to be kind, empathetic and open our hearts, encouraging us to channel God’s Grace into our association with others. 

Elizabeth Wang; Pinterest

Having said that, forgiveness is not just about others – it is also about oneself. Sometimes, the hardest person to forgive is the person in the mirror. While forgiving others, the burden of guilt lies with them. But when striving to forgive ourselves, we carry both the misdeed and the weight of our guilt with us. As much as we are tempted or coaxed into a misdeed, we feel guilty about it once the intensity of its awareness seeps into us. Guilt can be healthy or unhealthy – healthy guilt guides one to hold oneself accountable, repent, ask for forgiveness, and work towards healing. It doesn’t impede but furthers one’s healing process. Unhealthy guilt consumes and incapacitates one from living life fully by being resolutely entrenched in one’s heart and mind. 

However, the Divine offers us endless opportunities to evolve into better versions of ourselves. In a world where retribution and revenge are norms, forgiveness is a redemptive act of love. It is indeed a “Divine quality”, as stated by Lord Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita. Anger and resentment bind us to the karmic cycle, while forgiveness frees us from it. To truly forgive, we must forsake our egos and view all beings as worthy equals. The Jataka Tales, a Buddhist literary epic, reflect a similar sentiment in an instance where the Elephant King, a form of the Buddha in his previous life, forgives a hunter who had chopped off his tusks. 

Being forgiven teaches us to forgive others and secure inner peace. Forgiving someone else is possible, even if they may not have asked for it, and self-forgiveness is possible even if one has not been forgiven by someone else. For example, Jains end their eight-day festival of Paryushan by wishing each other “Micchami Dukkadam”, which literally translates to “May all my misdeeds be rendered fruitless.” The purpose of Paryushan is to heal oneself by seeking and extending forgiveness for all the wrongs one may have done knowingly or unknowingly. 

As much as we use the phrase “Forgive and Forget”, forgiving is not the same as forgetting. One can rarely erase the memory of wronging someone or being wronged; the strength of the memory may vary, but more often than not, one does have some memory of it stored within. The key aspect is not to banish that memory, but to use its presence as a learning experience while one forgives oneself or someone else. 

As Alexander Pope had wisely said, “To err is human; to forgive, Divine.” A human may have all the riches in the world and all the desired power in their grasp, but the quest for true happiness shall not be fulfilled until the power to forgive and ask for forgiveness is found, somewhere deep within the soul.